Have a Nice Day

They are the stock archetypal characters of many classic kids' and young adult films.

They are the ones we love to hate.

They are the Bullies.


Yet no one likes a bully--not in real life.  Perhaps it's because we all have experienced the inane cruelty of a bully either through personally being the target or through someone we love being the target of a bully.

Several weeks ago, my seven year old came home one Monday complaining about a certain kid giving him a hard time on the playground.  When he got in the car on Wednesday with the same complaint for the third day, my heart sank as I felt the sucker punch in my gut.  I knew.  And I knew I knew.  I couldn't rationalize out of this--for him or for me.  He was being bullied.

But why?  You think back to those classic movies, and it's the dorky, weird kids who are the targets of the bullies.  My kid isn't dorky and weird.  (Okay, I know I'm biased, but really, he isn't!)  He's a bit goofy, perhaps too nice, but he's pretty typical, really.  And this kid, this bully, used to be a friend.  And I think that's what really hurt my son the most.

But what hurt me the most was that my little boy was hurting.  And he was hurting because he was a beautiful, sensitive, gentle soul who did not say anything in response because he was afraid it would hurt this kid's feelings!  The bullied did not want to hurt the feelings of the bully.

That night, as my son and I were lying in bed together for our good night routine, I told him one of the things I loved about him was his sensitive, good heart.  But just because he was sensitive and good, that did not mean that people could walk all over him, say mean things to him, do mean things to him.  He was never to be mean, he was never to start a fight, but he was always to stand up for and to protect himself.

My son then asked me, "How?" (Now, his Dad and I would have different definitions of "stand up and protect," and I will concede that different circumstances will call for different reactions.  But I think my response is appropriate for a second grade context.) I told him, "when he says, 'we don't want to play with you--go away!' You say, 'who said I wanted to play with you?' and walk off."

I should also note that I followed up with contacting the teachers who were extremely proactive, and the situation has since been resolved, fortunately.

Unfortunately, however, the reality is that there will always be bullies in our lives.  Bullies don't exist only on the playground.  They exist in the college classroom, the boardroom, the PTO, the gym, our churches, our neighborhoods, etc.  While there may be psychological justifications for such behavior, I've never really understood why people choose to be bullies.  It's shameful behavior at any age.  I'd rather be the friendly face, the pleasant presence in someone's life.

Like kids--like my son--we all just want to have fun; we all just want to be liked; and we all just want to be good at something.  And we deserve that.  Even though there are bullies in our realities, we do not have to be the bullied. 

So in the words of Bon Jovi:  "When the world keeps trying to drag me down, gotta raise my hand, gonna stand my ground.  I say, 'Hey! Have a nice day!'"